Tuesday, September 11, 2012

OCD IN THE LIBRARY

     Earlier today I was steadily working at covering the new paperbacks with clear Contact Paper, as detailed in THIS post.
     About the 9th book in the stack was ALREADY covered in Contact Paper, but I failed to notice this until I had already started applying another layer of clear plastic. It was too late to back up, so I went ahead and finished covering it for the second time.
     Someone's going to notice that, I thought, and think I'm a real freak.
     Oh, well. I suppose it will be EXTRA resistant to the ravages of time, now.
     Suddenly that seemed very pleasing. TWO layers of protective plastic. There's no WAY it could get messed up now. I wondered how many layers you'd have to cover it in to make it impossible to crease or tear. I hate it when paperbacks crease and tear. Would 5 layers do it?
     How many layers would it take to form the equivalent of a hardcover?
     What if someone covered a paperback in TEN layers of clear Contact Paper? How long would THAT last? Until the end of time? But surely that's ridiculous.
     It would be awful if you suddenly felt compelled to KEEP covering the SAME paperback in Contact Paper. Over and over again, until it became Christ-like in its perfection. Then you'd have to start all over again with the NEXT paperback on the cart.
   

Monday, September 10, 2012

PERIODICALS : Vintage 1980 "Jack and Jill" magazine


     We're moving soon, so we're in the slow and painful process of packing up all our stuff. As I do this, I'm discovering, much to my surprise, that apparently I'm one of those people who keeps EVERYTHING. Weird. I guess I didn't realize that about myself.
     Take, for instance, this Jack and Jill magazine from 1980 with Scott Baio on the cover. (A 1980 copyright date means most of what you see is really the earth tone shag carpet ashes of the '70s) I found this in a cupboard amongst old photos and memorabilia. The mailing address on the label has my Slovak Grandma's name and address, which reminded me that she always had copies of Highlights and Jack & Jill laying around for us grandkids. I didn't like either of those magazines, but choices at Grandma's house were a little... limited. You should have seen the "toy box," with its battered selection of ancient dolls and weird crap that screamed "Old Country."
     And no, I did NOT have a crush on Scott Baio. I thought he was skanky.

"Dean uses an Exacto knife to put a groove in a side strip for the stock car he's building."
     The picture above is from a profile article about some kid whose hobby is putting models together, probably because he has asthma and no friends. (Just guessing)
     Poor Dean, with his horrible mop of wavy '70s hair, and crushingly dorky glasses. This could totally have been me. Only difference is my hair was blonder, I was fatter, and had more zits. Dean is a dreamy pin-up compared to me at that age.
     Spending too much time at Grandma's house could make you feel antsy and hopeless about ever attaining coolness.

"The Nut-T-shirt"
     T-shirts with crap printed on them were big in the '70s. It almost didn't matter what they said, just the idea that you could get a T-shirt made with just about anything printed on it was, like, "high-tech" for that time. There were whole shops devoted to custom-printed T-shirts.
     I like how triumphant that kid looks with his "Nut-T-shirt," like he's really making a stand for something. He has climbed atop that mound of shag carpeting to proclaim himself a proud Herbie the Health Nut fan, and will probably get his ass kicked at school because of it.

BOOKMARKS MADE FROM DISCARDED PAPERBACK COVERS

     I thought I had already posted this picture, but I guess I didn't. I made these at the end of last school year, June of 2012. These were covers from old 1980s paperbacks that somebody donated, and I declined to add to our library collection. Because they're lame.
     I was kind of surprised to see those Sweet Valley High bitches again. I thought they were long gone and forgotten.
     I love the utterly pathetic "All Alone In the 8th Grade" cover, with that forcedly cheerful nerd girl in her purple gym shorts. She is BEGGING to get her ass kicked.
     What's that? Oh, why yes, I DID make those beaded tassels myself. I'm gay, and we know how to do stuff like that.

Thursday, September 6, 2012

KIDS SAY THE DARNDEST THINGS


     There are some really cute little 7th graders this year. Very sincere, and eager to use the Library. They're so EXCITED about it, which I love seeing.

     One of the super friendly ones came in during lunch today. As I was scanning the barcode on his student ID to check his books out, he said this:

"This card thing is fun, being able to come and check books out with it. ‘Cause my mom doesn’t like to go to the public library every day, but I can come to the SCHOOL library every day and return books and check more out! It makes me feel more grownup. Well, thanks, Mr. Kovac! Have a nice day!"

     I thought, Wow, are you kidding me? It’s like I SCRIPTED that for him and PAID him to say it! 

     Only I DIDN'T! I swear!